flu and faith

Just last Wednesday I got home from the Idol Addiction bible study I'm in and felt so moved by what I learned. The lesson was on our brokenness and our need to be rescued. I thought about the amount of times I have called on Jesus for 'help' but not once have I ever asked to be rescued! I felt close to the Lord that day, really aware of His calling of me and content with where I was.

Around 1:00 AM I woke up with total and complete body ache. From the tips of my toes to the tips of my fingers. body ache. The chills were out of control. I'm unaware of the degree fever I must have had, but it was high, really really high. I hadn't felt that awful, ever. I knew almost instantly I had the flu. So after the doc diagnosed me, I got my shot, a filled Rx of Tamiflu and made my way back home. I laid there all day just thinking I should be using this idol time praying…but I didn't. I was so miserable. Clint stayed home the first day but had to get back to work the next. I laid around all day letting the kids crawl all over me and just survived. These were the first two days of this year that I did not start my day with my daily quiet time. That absence of time with the Lord quickly showed in my heart. I began to grow bitter, angry, impatient, and frustrated. oh and full of self pity. By Sunday I was in deep. I was no where close to the Lord and covered by my own sin so far down in that pit of self pity there was no way out. I sat in Parker's room with the door closed calling on the Lord. Sobbing, I prayed that oh so familiar prayer 'help me Jesus'. Help. 

I needed more than help. I needed rescuing.

 Thank you Jesus for this truth. I am so thankful today for His grace.

My hope is that one day I won't pull away from my Savior. However, on this side of Heaven I know that that probability is slim to none. Man, this whole brokenness thing is for the birds.