honesty

Along the journey of this life I live I am faced with some hard days. Days where the minutes feel like hours...

Intermingled among those hard days are glimpses of my God.

I have been faithfully pursuing Jesus every morning & his word ALWAYS renews my strength. Each morning I am reminded to only focus on today and more than that just putting one foot in front of the other.

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own.

Psalm 29:11
The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.

Clint and I were faced with yet another loved one join Heaven's marvelous realms this weekend. Bringing back a flood of emotions...

It led us to start reminiscing over our last almost 5 years of marriage. I feel it is safe to say that we have experienced more 'hard ships' than most couples see in a lifetime. I'm not complaining about them, it is after all what fuels my zeal for Christ.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of ALL comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

1 Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you.

 A while back I filled a page with all the yuck we've been through & honestly left me feeling alone. I felt like I couldn't trust that God was going to bless us...or even relieve us from a life full of storm after storm. I would wait in anticipation for the next yuckiness to raise its ugly head towards us...I was having trouble wrapping my mind around the age old question--why would a 'good' God let us endure so much sorrow. I was questioning the truth that God is a God of love and is good.

I spent a sufficient amount of time just feeling sorry for myself, being angry and falling in a deep pit. I felt this great need for people to understand the depth of my hurt, even strangers. If I ever opened up to someone and let them know of the storms, they would act like I just told them that some possession broke...Some of the things that have been said to me-the callousness behind some people's words--you wouldn't even believe it! The truth is, they didn't know what to say; they hadn't been there-or anywhere close for that matter. It was like hearing the synopsis of a movie...sad but not 'real life'. And to be honest, nothing they said would have taken the hurt away.

People will never understand or even recognize the hurt behind circumstances and the way it affects us. Only The Lord knows that hurt.

Psalm 34:17-18
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Then what's worse, I would start envisioning worse circumstances, that I 'needed' to go ahead and prepare myself for--It can always get worse, right? There are so many out there suffering worse than me-no food, shelter, loss of children, terminal illnesses-shall I go on...

The enemy would want me to dwell with an anxious heart and let my life slip away without encouraging others. He would love nothing more for me to live in hurt, quit trusting the Lord is good and live in constant fear of 'what might come'...

So what did I do to fight those looming thoughts when they would pop back up?? Cling to this verse:

James 4:7

Submit yourselves, then to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God, and he will come near to you.

Jeremiah 29:11
I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Matthew 7:11

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him?

Psalm 91:11-12
For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone.

Jeremiah 31:17

There is hope in your future.

 Then it hit me like a ton of bricks about a month ago.

This world, all that it has to offer-all that you would be sad to loose or endure-EVERY SINGLE THING is a blessing from the Lord.

As Job so profoundly puts it (vs. 1:21) Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

1 John 2:15, 17
Do not love the world or ANYTHING in the world...The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.



Furthermore, this world and all it has to offer-it's just not about that. It isn't about me or the health of every person I know. It isn't about how much stuff I can accumulate. It isn't about my happiness. It isn't about what God can do for me.

Bringing God glory-that is what it is all about.
and after all...God is most glorified when we are satisfied in Him alone.

I realized that these kids of 'mine' belong to our Father in Heaven. He entrusted me to raise these children with one goal-bring them to Truth.

When I recognized that, it sure did relieve some extra heavy burdens. I was grasping at straws there for a while trying to do it all on my own. While I still daily pray over these precious children I take care of on this side of Heaven, I realize they are safe in HIS arms.

Lamentations 2:19
Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord. Lift your hands toward Him for the life of your young children.

 With all of that said, I do believe in praying for healing (after struggling for a while about questions of why He doesn't always heal when we pray).

I choose to believe the truth that sits in The Bible:
James 5:16
Pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

I'll end on this jewel...
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Thanks for reading, I know it was long =)