grace.

I never thought I would say this in a newborn stage of life, but life is sweet.

I came home from the hospital Valentine's day, in pain. Got struck with a terribly sore throat one week after that. Mastitis two days after that. A horrible, terrible no good very BAD cold that has now lasted two weeks. Cough, infection, nose, throat, fever, chills...the whole mix! And I can emphatically tell you my life is sweet. amazing. & wonderfully full.

I did NOT feel this way when either Blakely or Parker were almost 3 weeks old. I seriously struggled with both Blakely as a newborn and with Parker, more so. Definitely more.

Life is just good. Different. Full. My heart is just content and full of joy. Sure, evil is still plaguing me every single day, it's just my mind that is different this time around. Such a strange and foreign feeling for me. I have never been so content staying home with the kids. I feel absolutely no urge to figure out what I can do beyond raising babies.

It is in this-feeling full. Feeling that life is good-that I see grace. Total grace. Unbelievable and amazing grace.

 I'm breastfeeding this time around. I never even imagined how much more demanding breastfeeding is to formula feeding. I think maybe it is helping me though in my connection with her.

 Maybe it is maturity. Maybe I've learned somewhat how to let go of my silly expectations. Maybe it is just God.

 Either way, I am SO grateful for my eyes opening to just enjoying this day. I'm grateful that I can take it ONE day at a time. I'm grateful that I am viewing and enjoying my 4 year old, my 2 year old and this newborn as the BLESSINGS that they are.

 God is good. His goodness is everywhere. Yes, evil and sadness are everywhere too, but I'm done with murmuring under my breath grumbles and complaints of the latter. I just want to sit and soak in this goodness.

 I want to accept the yuck in life and move on. I am convinced that there are 1000 blessings to every single complaint.

The more I count God's graces, the more they fill my mind. Big things, small things, sad things...they are all made good through God's goodness.

 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. -Romans 1:19-21.

 His loveliness is everywhere.

 Take a look at this perfection...

 Why in the world has it taken me so long to get here? Please, dear Lord, keep me here.

Sister Love

Blakely was SO stinking excited to FINALLY meet her little sister!

Happy Birthday Alli Kate!!!

Wednesday afternoon (2.11) I started feeling what I questioned as labor. It wasn't necessarily painful, but the contractions were consistently 5 minutes apart. I've never gone into natural labor, so I was totally confused. I called Mom and talked with her about what I was feeling and she said to just keep watching it. I made us dinner, cleaned the dishes and called my sister. She told me to get my booty to the hospital. I called Dad to stay with the kids and threw some stuff in a bag (just in case)...

8:00 I went into triage. Contractions were now 3 and a half minutes apart. I dilated 2 cm in 1 hour and was admitted! I was trying to let it sink in that I would be leaving the hospital with baby in hand. Mom met us up at the hospital and all three of us tried our hardest to sleep through the night. 

Baby girl didn't come until 1:17 the next afternoon! I labored all day long but only had to push 5 times! 

Sweet, amazing miracle. How on earth do people not believe in God when they witness such a miracle?!? It totally and utterly blows my mind!

My dear Alli Kate:
You are so so so precious.
You somehow put my life into perspective.
You are such a blessing my sweet baby!

The moment I held you against my chest, I wanted to keep you there, tucked in tight-safe from the world.

You make our family complete.
You make our family more full.
Full of grace.

How in the world am I so lucky?

Why did God bless me with such grace?

 Grace is a funny thing I'm learning about. God's graces are everywhere. Some things are just so blindingly in my face and others I have to search out. You, my sweet angel are one of those neon signs pointing to Christ and his love.

You are beautiful.

I am forever grateful for this beautiful day.

What perfection is in this amazing creation?

I do not deserve you, my sweet girl.
I hope and pray I can be the mom you deserve.

You are my heart.

I cannot believe that we are officially a family of 5 now! Life is good.

seven.

Our oldest turned 7 on Sunday! 

She is just my favorite.

Zizi is so much more than a dog. 

She makes our lives so much better.

The kids were begging to have some cake! Since it was made from all natural ingredients I gave them the green light to eat it up! They ate and ate and ate it....

So just to clear some things up-they will not eat chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, or hamburgers...doggy cake though-yum yum yum!

Happy Happy Birthday sweet Zizi! We love you so much!!!

Busy

Life with a 4 year old and a 2 year old whilst being 9 months pregnant makes life....full.

God has really been teaching me about the importance of gratitude lately as well as the importance of taking one day at a time. Both have really been life changing. Days or even moments that I see God's graces and not just the hard, heavy, and exhausting are so delightful. When I just stop and sit and watch my kids--life is so full of grace for me. Yes, it is really really really hard and can be extremely discouraging. When I choose to concentrate on the good, life just looks different and the hard and discouraging become a distant fog in the background.

On a separate note, my Aunt surprised me with this amazingly beautiful watercolor of my sweet angel. I cried and cried when I opened it! She is so talented and captured every detail of my little girl so perfectly.

 I actually did jot down a list of '2015 resolutions' but never got around to blogging about them. Most were about Mommy changes. Half way through January I stumbled across this little gem. These are some major goals for me as a Momma.

 These littles love messes and mess they will create. All day. Every day.

 This pregnant lady got some news from the doc in the beginning of December that I was gaining to much and told to walk more...I attempted it ONCE by myself. The bob weighs 34 pounds, parker weighs 40 and Blakely weighs 35ish. That's a grand total of 109! I felt like I was going to pass out 95% of that little adventure...Needless to say, I haven't been on any more walks without Clint.

 Zizi gets dressed up a little too much these days from her little buddies.

 Blakely has loved matching Momma with her slippers! If I am ever wearing them, she will run and put hers on too!

 The entire house is their playroom! I'm a work in progress to just let them play and not get all OCD on them.

 Favorite picture of the month! No, I did not place that Santa hat on her. This is how I found her around 10pm.

 Although life does not often look like this....I am so happy for the moments that do!

 They might argue on occasion, but they sure do love each other.

 P got a drill for Christmas and she immediately ran to grab it when she saw that Daddy was working on the cabinets.

Zizi is so good with them! This is yet another blessing I am thankful for!

 Showing off some new clothes! Uncle Brian must have taught her this pose!

 Enjoying the great outdoors!

Look at that sweet sweet smile! Oh, how I love you Parkey!!!

 Daddy and Blakely in the 'spaceship'.

I try so hard to write down things that are said and done around here. Things that are so precious I want to just bottle them up and remember forever.  I just can't seem to remember anything even an hour after it happens. I'll hear something from one of them and I think to myself, just soak it in, remember this & I guess I'm just out of room in my memory =( Here are just a few though that I happened to take note of this month.

1. "Can I marry Parker when I am older" (Blakely)
2. Parker tells on everyone. If I turn the tv off he runs to clint and tells him that "Momma turned the tv off". If I tell him no, he will go tell clint I said "no". He tells on blakely for everything. (and I mean EVERYTHING)
3. Parker calls Blakely 'Bakey'
4. Parker has colored Monkey's eyes twice now, as if he isn't getting ratty enough! Purple and highlighter yellow.
5. Blakely loves nighttime now that Parker is in her room! She will listen to me read a book at night and then we will here her in there 'reading' the same book to Parker.
6. Blakely prayed last night so sweetly thanking God for her 'warm home, food she got to eat, and her friends' she also prayed healing for me because 'Alli Kate is making Momma so sick'. Tear.
7. Parker often asks where something is: "where Monkey is?" and will then exclaim right here (or "riche hewr"!!! very cute!
8. A few more adorable Parkey phrases include: "I can't reach", "oh no! It's broken now", "I have it", "I wuv you", "stop", "ahhh gallishous" (delicious),  "are you kidding' me" (my favorite!)


Up very soon (about 2-3 more weeks) we will be welcoming Miss. Alli Kate into the world. Since I've been so terrible about blogging, I feel certain that to promise more blogging is just foolish. I will try though!

A new year!

2014 brought us some pretty exciting stuff! Mainly, that our family of 4 would soon change to 5! We cannot wait for sweet Alli Kate to get here already! It was a great year. I feel like I grew so much in gaining perspective to this life I'm living. Time with the Lord is essential to my daily perspective turning from worldly stuff to the 'big picture'. With this being my last pregnancy, I am trying desperately to find the good in day to day living. This one has been really tough in the beginning, but right now I feel amazing. I love feeling AK's kicking and hiccups. I love this one so so much already.

I've come up with some goals in 2015 that I really follow through with.

1. Finish reading through the entire Bible.
2. Write out 1000 gifts and thank God for each thing written.
3. Start each day in the word and prayer every hour.
4. Read through at least 4 parenting books.
5. Whisper in anger instead of yell. Find patience through Christ.
6. Get back to pre-baby weight.
7. Exercise regularly starting in May.
8. Walk Zizi whenever possible
9. Think before I speak-always!
10. Quit complaining and grumbling and replace those constant negative thoughts with positive ones.
11. Read devotions and scripture to kids every single day and pray over them fervently.
12. Stick with our budget and not get obsessed or discouraged.
13. Do what works for our family not other's expectations!
14. LET GO OF EXPECTATIONS and just enjoy life.
15. Put God 1st, Clint 2nd, and kids 3rd.

These are things I truly want to do and be.

Here's to 2015. It's gonna be a good one.