grace.

I never thought I would say this in a newborn stage of life, but life is sweet.

I came home from the hospital Valentine's day, in pain. Got struck with a terribly sore throat one week after that. Mastitis two days after that. A horrible, terrible no good very BAD cold that has now lasted two weeks. Cough, infection, nose, throat, fever, chills...the whole mix! And I can emphatically tell you my life is sweet. amazing. & wonderfully full.

I did NOT feel this way when either Blakely or Parker were almost 3 weeks old. I seriously struggled with both Blakely as a newborn and with Parker, more so. Definitely more.

Life is just good. Different. Full. My heart is just content and full of joy. Sure, evil is still plaguing me every single day, it's just my mind that is different this time around. Such a strange and foreign feeling for me. I have never been so content staying home with the kids. I feel absolutely no urge to figure out what I can do beyond raising babies.

It is in this-feeling full. Feeling that life is good-that I see grace. Total grace. Unbelievable and amazing grace.

 I'm breastfeeding this time around. I never even imagined how much more demanding breastfeeding is to formula feeding. I think maybe it is helping me though in my connection with her.

 Maybe it is maturity. Maybe I've learned somewhat how to let go of my silly expectations. Maybe it is just God.

 Either way, I am SO grateful for my eyes opening to just enjoying this day. I'm grateful that I can take it ONE day at a time. I'm grateful that I am viewing and enjoying my 4 year old, my 2 year old and this newborn as the BLESSINGS that they are.

 God is good. His goodness is everywhere. Yes, evil and sadness are everywhere too, but I'm done with murmuring under my breath grumbles and complaints of the latter. I just want to sit and soak in this goodness.

 I want to accept the yuck in life and move on. I am convinced that there are 1000 blessings to every single complaint.

The more I count God's graces, the more they fill my mind. Big things, small things, sad things...they are all made good through God's goodness.

 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. -Romans 1:19-21.

 His loveliness is everywhere.

 Take a look at this perfection...

 Why in the world has it taken me so long to get here? Please, dear Lord, keep me here.